Experiences from July 11

Yes, I know, my titles are the most creative and artistic.  I should probably win an award for them.

Yesterday, was another day of “fun.”  During most of the afternoon, I was able to listen to SNC’s (Special Needs Child) constant screaming.  It was not because of any pain, but just because it is fun to listen to the various magnitudes of screams.  After a few hours of trying to tune out the screams, I finally had a small break and screamed back hoping that maybe it would break the cycle of screams.  There is no reasoning to get it to stop.  Medication helps for a while, but it can only be given so often and in specific volumes.  The back-scream didn’t help; it made it worse.  I ended up putting SNC in bed to get control.  That did help…after a while.

There was a small break before supper time.  After diaper change, it was time to come to the table and eat one of my most favorite meals.  Unfortunately, it seems that SNC had other plans.  It seems that there are some times when SNC doesn’t want to eat and starts choking on the bites of food.  These are not huge bites of food as we have learned this lesson before.  Swallow studies have been done and found nothing remarkable.  SNC just does not want to chew the food and just swallows it directly.  Only a couple of times have we needed to call EMS for support, and only one time did we have to go to the hospital to be checked out.  Usually, it is just a bad coughing spell that sounds much worse than it is.  There is no enjoying a meal at the dinner table.  We are always on edge that something is going to happen.  With the ensuing drama, we usually cannot actually have a decent conversation during a meal because either SNC will scream because we are talking, we are so freakin’ tired from all the drama, or there has been so much noise that we just want quiet.

Man, it is good when we can have a decent meal without drama.  Those moments come few and far between.

For those of you just tuning in, I want to say for the record that I love my children dearly.  My purpose for this blog is to have an outlet for my feelings.  I am tired of holding everything in.

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